I have a confession to make. I’m fat. I mean like BMI of 37.6 fat. Like uncomfortable to move around fat. It could be worse, I guess. But I have finally realized, I’m not healthy.
I wasn’t always fat. When I started college in 2003, I actually looked like this (sorry for the poor quality – this was before I ever had a digital camera):
Skinny enough to wear a bikini, and still feel good about myself. These days you wouldn’t even catch me in a one piece. And I definitely wouldn’t let you photograph me.
At the end of college it was pretty noticeable that I’d put on weight. But still I was just “kinda” fat:
And frankly, I could still suck it in.
Now, five years after my time in college (the first time – the 4 successive years), I’ve gotten so fat, I can’t stand myself anymore. In fact, I had a hard time finding any pictures of myself because I avoid being in front of the camera like the plague. Granted I realize those graduation gowns aren’t really flattering to anyone, but I REALLY don’t look good:
I know most people post something after they’ve lost a little weight. But I’m just at the beginning. I only started exercising some what regularly at the end of last year. Granted I’ve lost 10 pounds which feels like a HUGE accomplishment to me, but not enough to warrant before and after pictures or a party or anything. The bottom line is that I’m posting this because I feel like if I put it out there for the whole internet to see, it gives me some accountability.
What prompted me to do this was that I don’t feel healthy. At all. I was doing so great exercising and I had started a cleanse/diet thing (more on that later), and I was feeling amazing. (I have edited this in response to a comment I received. I think previously it made me sound like I got sick because of the diet, which is not the case…getting sick was a completely separate entity. For more info see the comment section)
And then I got sick. Really REALLY sick. I was having heart palpitations, and chest pains, and then one day in the middle of last month, I got such bad stomach pains, I had to go to the emergency room. They pumped me up full of morphine before it stopped hurting. My stomach hurts with surprising severity on and off now almost every day. I’m not working anymore because of it, and I spent almost 2 weeks without exercise and my diet has gone to shit. So a lot of the work I did at the beginning of the year has kind of been undone.
I’m trying to get back on track. I downloaded a calorie counting app that I’m trying to use regularly, and I got back on the road last week to get some exercise. But the thing is, I am feeling like crap. I felt great while I was dieting, so once I get back on track there, I’m sure I’ll feel much better.
What scares me is that the ER doctors and two other doctors don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have an appointment with a GI specialist on the 16th so we’ll go from there.
As for my diet/cleanse thing? This is something chef gave me while I was still working at the restaurant. She played college level soccer so she’s all smart about fitness and diet and stuff. And I lost weight doing this, and I felt GREAT, which was the most important part. I’ll be honest though. It’s more or less low carb, high protein…and the first few days that I cut out simple carbs I thought I was going to die. The sugar withdrawal was the worst thing ever. But once I got past that bump I’d never felt better. And I had my first case of “morning skinny”* in almost 4 years!!
cranberry water with 2tbs psyllium husks (16oz fluid)
1tbsp flaxseed oil
1 cup coffee if needed
2 omega-3 enriched eggs
cranberry h20 w/psyllium (same as breakfast)
1 tbsp flaxseed oil
Moderate meals/snacks of protein and vegetables
Fat (bacon, butter, oil)
All other veggies
Evening primrose oil
ALA – alpha lipoic acid
Omega-3 or fish oil
Unsweetened cranberry juice
I did this as a hard core cleanse for 2 weeks and then added like brown rice and quinoa after the two weeks so I wouldn’t go insane. And then I fell off the wagon completely. This past weekend was the worst so far.
So the point is, that I am now beholden to the interwebs to stay on track, and keep you appraised of my progress. Wish me luck.
Also if you haven’t entered my book giveaway yet, make sure you enter! There’s only 4 days left!! Enter here.